


Last Kiss

by ruiyeahs



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A MASTERPIECE, Alternate Universe, Angst, Brief appearance from Mingyu, Hurt!Junhui too, Hurt!Minghao, Hurt/Comfort, If you call that happy end, Implied florist Junhui, Implied lawyer Minghao, M/M, MY FIRST STORY - LAST KISS, Mentioned of Wonwoo, Minghao's POV, Please give it a listen, Song Fiction, angst with happy ending, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 02:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21092129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruiyeahs/pseuds/ruiyeahs
Summary: "Once more, if I could meet you once more,I would never ever let you go.Absolutely, I’ll absolutely promise that.If only the two of us could meet once more."If only the two learned to be true to themselves, certainly the ending wouldn't be like this right?But those were the empty lies Minghao told himself as he watched the man he loved left him.To save him from the regrets and guilts.





	Last Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This is a song fiction based on MY FIRST STORY - LAST KISS. I highly, deeply, suggest you to listen to the song while reading this.
> 
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/06ohbV2jDn2TzWbgFk2K2e?nd=1)
> 
> [iTunes](https://music.apple.com/us/album/last-kiss/1440240248?i=1440240259)

**We’re not able to spend as much time**  
**together since who-knows-when.**

**Your distant heart**  
**has left my heart.**

Minghao's dark eyes watched as the grey clouds began to chase after the bright sky as if they were eating it alive, bits by bits. He watched as people walked by his car, rushing to get home as soon as possible before the storm hits. Was he the only one waiting for the storm?

Perhaps to washed away his sins so that he could at least breath?

Ever since that person was gone, his life was never the same anymore. Sure, he was alive and breathing but was it enough? Was letting that person go a good decision? That it wasn't a mistake?

He couldn't remember the last time he had talked to that person, was it Christmas? Two years ago? Was it three?

He looked at the bright screen of his phone,

**Mingyu: Our client wants to discuss a few things tomorrow.**

_Works_.

Perhaps it was their only reason for drifting further apart, the only valid reason he could think of. He was too occupied by the endless calls that he ended up shoving that person away, too many _excuses_, too many _lies_.

And without realising his mistakes, he hurted the only person that matters the most to him.

He broke his heart when he vowed to never hurt him.

He lied to him when he vowed to never hide any secrets.

He left him when he vowed that only death could separate them.

And only when it was too late did he know, he was losing his sanity.

**I love you and it hurts,**  
**it’s gonna be a long night**  
**staring at the clock.**

**I want to cry but I can’t, because**  
**I don’t want to believe in your answer.**

Another long night that he would spend staring at the bright moon, it hurts but the moon was the only thing that kept him sane after that person left. The only anchor that held him back from leaving this world.

Loving that person was like an addictive pain, he knew he didn't deserve him and yet there he was, stubbornly clinging onto that person as if his life depended on him. It was painful but that person worth the pain.

He thought the two of them would be forever but guessed he thought wrong, not when the person he loved the most pulled his hands away, looking at him with dying eyes.

_He deserved this—_ his mind told him.

_Because you hurted him._

But Minghao couldn't bring himself to swallow the bitter pain, the harsh reality that he had brought upon himself. The fact that he was the one driving that person to give up.

Those words.

That breaking voice.

And it was painful to know that he was the one behind that person's pain.

**Once more, if I could meet you once more,**  
**I would never ever let you go.**

**Absolutely, I’ll absolutely promise that.**

**If only the two of us could meet once more.**

He missed that person, dearly... Madly.

He wasn't going to lie, he missed Junhui like crazy. Like his heart could stop at any time because of the aching pain of missing his loved one.

If only he could see him one more time... One more chance...

He would've hold him in his arms, he would've loved him, cherished him and treated him the way he deserves to be.

_And he would never hurt him._

If only he could... Minghao would never let Junhui's hands go.

_Never._

But deep down he knew, it was impossible. How could he became this selfish? Wouldn't it cause Junhui more pain seeing the man who broke every parts of his existence?

How could he became this selfish knowing that he was the sole reason for Junhui's tears, pain and dying lights?

**It’s the first time I’m looking up**  
**at the sky, alone, at 2 in the morning.**

**I used to think it was stupid**  
**to “wish upon a star”.**

"Are you sure you're okay? I can walk you home," Mingyu offered.

"No, I'm fine besides I'm sure Wonwoo is waiting for you at home," Minghao answered.

He quickly turned his back and walked away before Mingyu could say anything, it was 2 in the morning and the company's dinner had just finished. He used to never attended those dinners because back then, he had Junhui waiting for him.

Because Junhui would texted him every 5 minutes asking when would he come home.

_Because Junhui was waiting for him._

But that was then, back when everything was _fine_... Before he ruined the only thing in his life that was worth dying for.

Minghao sneered, he looked so pathetic now. Like someone who just lost his will to live or someone who lost something that he couldn't pinpoint what and ended up living as a broken doll. He might as well be one.

Minghao closed his eyes, feeling the chill breeze prickling his skin. Junhui used to love taking a night walk at times like this...

Minghao looked up at the clear sky, the moon was shining brightly as if to mock him for his mistakes or to remind him of the aching pain inside him.

"The stars are bright too..." He whispered.

Would they grant me a wish? Despite being unworthy and guilty.

Would they grant me a wish...

Despite knowing...

_That I killed the person that I loved._

**I’m sad and I miss you,**  
**my chest hurts,**  
**I can’t put it into words.**

**I want to speak but I can’t; looks like**  
**our days together fell through.**

Minghao's eyes wandered to the scattered Polaroids of Junhui on his desk, the only memories he had left of the person he loved the most in the entire universe. He missed him. _Deeply. Madly._ And _insanely._

Seeing the captured happiness soothed his aching heart but also conflicted another new pain, new realisations and new regrets.

It was getting too painful, even for him to take a breath. He felt like dying, breaking apart with every breath that he took. His chest felt tight as if there was something crushing him... Perhaps it was his own guilts.

The days he spent with Junhui were now burnt out memories, it felt so long ever since the last time he heard Junhui's voice but the pain felt fresh, cutting deep inside him.

They were beautiful. Each days. Each seconds.

_Junhui made it beautiful._

Minghao listened closely as the line began to ring, one, two, three times and so on before he was finally put on a voice message. _Always._

But he couldn't find his voice even though there were million of words he wanted to say, he couldn't bring himself to speak because he knew... _He was too late._

**Once more, if I could meet you once more,**  
**I would never ever let you go.**

**Absolutely, I’ll absolutely promise that.**

**If only the two of us could meet once more.**

"Minghao, you know that this is not healthy right?"

"What is?"

"This," Mingyu sighed.

"You know it's not your fault... You're just..."

"Just what?" He said, a lot harsher than he intended to.

"If you want to see him then do it, why bother to torture yourself like this??"

"I can't."

"Yes you can, why won't you just... Free yourself from the pain?"

"Free myself from the pain?" Minghao snorted.

"And then what? Start a new life and be a better person? I don't want any of that."

_I don't deserve any of that._

_I want to see him. I want to hold him. I want to kiss his tears away. I want to be there when he needs me. I want to be his everything. I want to be the one behind his laughter and smile._

_I wanted to but I can't._

_We can't._

_Not anymore._

**I knew it from the start.**

**We couldn’t learn to stay together, right?**

**Until this feeling and this wish disappear,**  
**let me stay next to you a little more…**

"Do you miss him too?" Minghao asked as he picked up the black cat in front of him.

The cat meowed, rubbing her head to Minghao's cheek. Her big, sparkly eyes were now looking sad as if she was missing someone dearly like her owner did, even her meows sounded so painful to Minghao's ears.

Mimi, the cat he and Junhui adopted together.

Funny how he thought about Junhui leaving Mimi behind to make sure Minghao was okay after their fight only to find both him and the cat fell into despair right after the older male left.

Junhui and him were so different, he didn't even know how did they ended up together. It was a mystery to him, one that he would never know of but it didn't matter to him, as long as he got Junhui by his side, it was already enough. They were like two different pieces of puzzle that makes a perfect frame together.

Junhui was like the sun, bright, bubbly and cheerful. Someone with a beautiful smile and sincere heart, someone with genuine feelings and considerations. Junhui was someone who deserves everyone's love, to be cherished and to protect.

Junhui was a blessing not only to his family and loved ones but also everyone who knew him, he was selfless, caring and loving. Someone with honesty and sincerity, someone you could trust your life with, someone who would reach out to you when no one else would and that was exactly what he did to Minghao.

He reached out his hands to Minghao when everyone else left him behind but _Junhui didn't,_ he stayed. He waited for Minghao, he watched as Minghao took little insecure steps towards him and then welcomed him in his arms.

But Minghao was no light, instead of giving what Junhui deserved, he brought him down to the darkest pit when the older male saved him. He _broke_ him, _plucked_ every feather of his wings and _killed_ him. Minghao was the sole reason the lights from Junhui's eyes faded, replaced by sadness and pain.

He took Junhui for granted, even as he knew the older male was hurting, it seemed like the young him had this mindset that he was hurting more. Even as he saw the cold tears rolling down Junhui's cheeks, as he cried... Telling Minghao of how much pain he was in... Somehow... The young him still had the face to say that he was also in pain too, that Junhui wasn't the only one.

He pushed Junhui away when the male seek for his help.

He was the cause of Junhui's pain.

He killed the man he loved.

But even so, it hurts him.

To let go of the hands that had been holding him safely, the hands that saved him, to let the only one that matters to him. It hurts him and he knew that he was being selfish, he didn't deserve to feel hurt like this, not when he was the one who brought disaster and pain into Junhui's life.

But even so, he missed Junhui.

And he wanted to remember every pieces of the man he loved, because memories were all he had left of Junhui.

But even so, he wasn't worthy to have the memories of heaven's angel.

**Again and again, again and again,**  
**I’ll remember it anyway.**

**Many times, many times,**  
**I’ll convey it anyway.**

**Hey, just why? Hey, just why?**

**I love you anyway.**

**Don’t say “Goodbye”.**

Minghao was selfish, even though he knew that Junhui was hurting, he still wanted to hold on. Because he wanted to remember the happy Junhui, not the broken and burnt out memories of him.

He wanted to remember Junhui as the one who saved him from the dark, he wanted to remember Junhui as someone who stayed beside him when no one else would... He wanted to remember Junhui as someone he loved.

_Love._

Even though the word hurts him, he wanted to say it anyway. He wanted to scream it, he wanted everyone to know how much he loved Junhui. But he hurted the man didn't he?

But even so, he loved Junhui.

And he'd tell him, everyday.

Every time.

Every moment they spent together.

He'd tell him. How much Junhui meant to him.

Even as they stood under the rain, just like today, grey clouds covering the sky as if mourning the loss of heaven's angel in front of him.

Junhui was still beautiful in his eyes, even with tears streaming down uncontrollably, heartbreaking sobbing escaping his quivering lips. _Junhui was still beautiful._

_Always._

Even as he heard the other male broke into pieces with every words he forced, as the man he loved still put him before everything else even though he was in pain.

** _"I love you."_ **

It still sounded the same as the first time Junhui had said it to him, still filled with butterflies and warmth, still as sincere as ever.

He wanted to hear it. Again and again and _again_.

Because he loved Junhui with all of his heart, because to him, Junhui was the one reason of his existence and without him, Minghao would crumble down into nothing.

He loved Junhui even as the bitter word of goodbye struck his heart, crushing him in mere seconds. He loved him because he knew, more than his pain, Junhui was the one hurting the most.

** _"Aren't we supposed to be forever?"_ **

Minghao was selfish and he knew that, he knew yet he couldn't help but to ask. Because he was in pain and his heart was bleeding... It hurts him.

He needed to know why, he needed to know the reason why he had to let go of the man he loved.

He needed to know why he had to give up his reason to exist.

_He had to._

But Junhui only smiled at him, warmly and tenderly and it hurts him even more. It hurts him because it was so painful, to swallow the truth and pretend that he was okay.

To accept the fact that he was the one killing the man he loved from the inside, it hurts him because it was so painful but also beautiful.

_Junhui was beautiful. _

Even as he said the words that took Minghao's life away, even as the stars in his eyes died one by one.

_Junhui was so beautiful._

_ **"I love you Minghao, always."** _

And how could he pretends that everything was fine after that? With guilts and regrets filling his days, haunting him in his sleep and suffocating him in day lights.

Minghao was a selfish person. And he would continue to be one until his he could hold Junhui once more.

Junhui was a bad person. Junhui was a heartless person. To leave him without answering his questions, to leave him without letting Minghao to rest in peace.

_To kill him with a smile on his face._

Junhui was a bad person but he knew... That he was even more a monster than the man he loved.

**Once more, if I could meet you once more,**  
**I would never ever let you go.**

**Absolutely, I’ll absolutely promise that.**

**If only I could love you once more.**

But Minghao, more than anything in this world, loved Junhui. And he always would, for as long as he could. Until his breathing was no longer enough to sustain his love. _Until he could no more._

Because to him, Junhui was his life and he'd risk everything for the man he loved.

He wanted to love Junhui once more and he'd promise to never let go, to never repeat the same mistake because losing Junhui was a hell for him, and he'd rather die than to experience the same nightmare again.

But it was painful to see the man that you loved only steps away but you couldn't bring yourself to take a step closer because you knew, it would only hurt for the both of you. Because the only thing you ever given to him was pain.

Junhui was so beautiful that the flowers surrounding him should be ashamed for not being worthy to be close to him, even with broken pieces, Junhui was still as sweet as ever, even when his lights had turned dim, he was still the brightest in Minghao's eyes.

He knew he was unworthy of Junhui.

He knew he didn't deserve Junhui in his life.

He knew that he was holding onto a mere wish.

And then the memory of their first meeting flashed before his eyes, Junhui who was beautifully practicing his martial arts, looking as ethereal as ever. Moving fluidly as if he was dancing, as if he was born for it.

It was like a miracle, to think that Junhui would turned around and face him with the brightest smile on his face. Chest heaving from the earlier practice, drenched in sweat but in Minghao's eyes, Junhui was basking in his glory. _Simply stunning._

And from then on, Junhui continued to take his breath away, stealing parts of his heart until Minghao willingly gave it to the older male. Junhui was a miracle himself, _Minghao's miracle._

They were meant to be, Minghao believed so. And even if they weren't, Minghao would do anything to make it so. Because the day he gave up on Junhui would be the end of him.

What if he hadn't met Junhui back then? How would his life be now? Would it be better? Less painful? Would Junhui still have his wings? And his smile? His lights? But if so, then wouldn't Minghao's life be grey? Without colours that were Wen Junhui?

Days without Junhui were empty and still haunting him even now, the nightmares chasing him and the guilts eating him alive. He'd rather die than to live in misery like that, to live without Junhui, dying but unable to cross the line because of the regrets piling up inside his heart kept him alive, as if to punish him for his sins.

Fear began to creeped inside his heart, clutching tightly at the poor organ, squeezing every bits of blood it had before breaking it apart.

_Fear._

Was what make him took the first step despite the red warning signs in his head, the tripping guilts and the frightening screams inside.

Step after step, closer and closer. Even as his heart screamed at him, wailed for the pain he would cause the other male, for the despair it would have to go through for the nth times after being broken. He couldn't stop. He knew he was a selfish monster, unworthy of the angel before his eyes. Even as he remembered, the aching pain and the wounds. Fresh as if it was just yesterday.

He couldn't stop.

_He had to._

The door bell chimmed, sounding very faint to his ears but his chest felt tight as if the bell was the last thing between him and the man he loved, the last obstacle that he had to win over. _The last warning._

He watched as Junhui rearranged the flowers in front of him, Almond Blossom and Baby's Breath. Junhui's favourite flowers, ones that described him the best.

Hope, delicacy and sweetness, purity of heart and innocence.

That was Junhui before everything else, the precious self of him before Minghao broke him bad but even so, Junhui was still the same in his eyes. Still the same man he fell in love with 10 years ago.

And as if he sensed another presence inside the flower shop, Junhui turned around with a smile on his face that soon disappeared upon seeing the man who broke him.

  
_Ah_. He hurted Junhui _again_.

His body moved faster than his brain nor heart could register what happened and in the next second, for the first time ever, he had Junhui in his arms and not the other way around. A small whimper escaped his lips, Junhui's familiar smell of lavender greeted him, filling his senses in a second. The smell that he missed dearly.

There were million of things he wanted to say to Junhui, so much that his heart bursted from the pain. So much that he forgot how to breath... So much that he forgot his own existence.

Junhui felt right in his arms, as if they were made to perfectly hold each other like this. It felt right. It felt like _home_.

Home.

_ Yes_. Junhui was his home.

And to hold the man that he loved once again, Minghao wouldn't even think of letting go. He'd love Junhui for as long as he could, because time was indefinite and eternity was not enough for him to love Junhui.

** _"I love you."_ **

The words he had been meaning to tell Junhui that night, finally, even if his lips trembled from the fear and his voice cracked from the prickling pain, he was able to say it... This time... _No more regrets._

And warmth began to spread throughout his insides when he felt Junhui's relaxed shoulders in his arms, the gentle hands clutching onto his shirt and the weight caused by Junhui leaning against him.

** _"I love you Minghao, always."_ **

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my attempt to write angst JunHao even though I know how soft hearted I am and how I would never be able to hurt Junhui without giving him a happy ending :')
> 
> I know this is far from perfect but I cried myself to sleep when I wrote this hahaha it exhaust me physically and emotionally and I hope it wasn't too bad =)
> 
> Also because Hiro's voice, the voice that needs more appreciation. A raw and pure talent, I love how he was able to convey the sweet, painful love in the song. Hiro is just that talented!
> 
> I suggest you to listen to their songs, MY FIRST STORY has such great discographies!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated 💕
> 
> I work better with a [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/junkyunist)
> 
> Hmu on [twt](https://twitter.com/junkyunist__?s=09) to talk about Seventeen, Day6 and Monsta X (also OOR & MFS hard stan)
> 
> Ask me stuffs or send me JunHao prompts on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/junkyunist__)


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